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Something Pretentious

by Duncan Ewart

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1.
There was this one time where I said "Here have everything." I showed her all the things I want and thought I'd never be But it was just passing, and my novelty wore thin. For a while there I was happy being me... Then out of the blue she knocked me square, and that girl would not stop kicking. She judged me on my bruises and the way my bones had bent and she said, "You're not worth my time anymore. I need someone to lean on, and now you can barely stand." It wasn't good enough to say I wasn't good enough She needed to precisely explain it. Took a couple months to poke some holes and rip out chunks. then compared me to uninjured strangers. I wielded songs like weapons when all I had was fire. She said, “You can’t hurt me with that shit, your music’s fucking dire.”
2.
Amateur 02:34
"Are you getting paid for this? What do you hope to achieve?" Well honestly I want for nothing and I'm happy with a beer. "You're a little too honest, and it's uncomfortable to hear." Well I get nothing back by hiding in poetry. If this is how you'll remember me, I hope it's the love and not the bits that are lacking in quality. I'm not churning it out to find fame or wealth or girls or put food in my mouth. Couldn't I just be singing you bits of me? "Are you really as bad as your songs make out? Because sometimes you sound like the worst person I've seen" I'd like to say no, I'd rather scream it out than go it alone. Instead of bottling the bad I just want it out of me.
3.
I left the last one with my head held high and struts. I was going to change the world by singing songs and meeting girls. I stuck it and I lived it and I thought I had it sussed. But I took too long to realise that my guitar and ego weren’t enough. Now I’m embarrassed and I’m scared, my life it all feels done. I’ve traded smiles for chains of smoke and I’m almost always drunk Now I’m face to face with something behind bars that I’ve thrown up. It hisses at me, “What the hell you playing at here, son?” I thought I’d beat it but it never really left, it just settled in a corner and laughed at my attempts and waited for the fold and break to leave a pretty standard mess. Then it stood and it flexed. I’m glad I don’t believe in anything after, because then when it ends it really matters. For every fall I’ve got an answer, this isn’t the last time. You should try yoga, or meditate a bit. You just need to calm down and accept your place. That’s just bullshit, I’m not letting go of this because the twist it keeps me going, that little monster keeps me sane. I’ve lost friends and I’ve lost children, ruined lives and saved a few. I think on balance I’m the bad guy but I haven’t got a clue because the good stuff’s down in pencil with the negatives in pen. If I could see how I’d turn out I’d do none of it again.
4.
Keep your static, keep your safe and warm and look on as the rest take what you want. It's easy wasted at the risk of pushing forward and getting thorns into your cuts. But isn't that half the fun? Fall in and out and never say you're sorry, we won't always be around. Don't think that any choice can mean forever, just grab your smiles and let the ends be damned. If you're hanging and there's no way up, well what? You going to hold on until it breaks? And take the splinters? Take the wind and rain and let some rotten wood decide your fate? It's giving up to stay. Just because you're on the back end you can't say "it's not okay." Just because you're feeling awful, you don't get to wallow in the pain. Love every mistake.
5.
The girl I was going to marry just skipped off with another man He's barely worth a mention but it makes me question what I am to be beaten by a nothing, when we had such an epic plan. I'd forgotten I was fighting and I let my guard drop down. So I go and drink some therapy, and throw some chat about but I am bored and I feel boring. My edge has been ground down. Still there's a pretty girl here smiling, so we wrap ourselves around and go back to mine for nothing but passing smiles and alot of loud. There's a lesson in this somewhere: If it feels real it's still fake and why even bother trying if you're so easy to replace. But I won't learn a thing, I'll just pull myself apart with a lot of smoking, a lot of drinking, and a bit of casual until it's gone. Think it, do it, breakdown, you're just not feeling it today. It must be easy leaving when you're the prettiest cliche. Now they're lining up to love you you can take just what you need , maybe throw around some words you've heard that don't mean what you think. Oh darling, I know you love to dance. Grab youself a skinny crisis, you can call him new romance. When the steps become predictable and the spinning makes you sick I hope you're all that you hoped you'd be. I've been happy for too long now, I could use a little dark to try and find the old me who could be the man that I can't

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released May 27, 2014

Everything by Duncan Ewart

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Duncan Ewart London, UK

Impressions from gig audiences:

"That was a bit loud"

"You swear alot, you should learn more words"

"Yeah, it was alright"

"I need to leave"
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